Boobs, Bangers, Jubblies, Titties, Baps, The Twins, Melons, Coconuts, Iced Jems, Fried Eggs, Milk Monsters, Brad Pitts, Puppies, Snuggle Pups, Udders, Spaniel’s Ears, Mosquito Bites, Lills, The Girls, Buds, Funbags, Bazookas, Bristles, Knockers, Babylons, Bouncers, Shoulder Boulders, Hooters, Tits!!!!
What ever you call them it seems those that have biguns want less and those with tiny one’s dream of giant bouncy ones!
I can remember sending my dad to Coventry for about a week because he was taking a training session, with his ruby team in the local swimming pool, I tagged along and walked out in my bikini and he announced, in front of everyone, that he didn’t recognise me as I had suddenly sprouted bazookas!!!!!
I of course, was totally mortified and wanted to drown him but probably no where near as mortified as he lived to be, dealing with the 12 year old hormonal, stroppy, mare that I turned out to be!
I would wear all his jumpers to hide them causing two pyramids in the front of all his sweaters lol😂
So, I had them but they disappeared after breast feeding, it didn’t bother me then, as I exercised a lot so they didn’t get in the way but now they are like two gone down balloons flapping about or Spaniels ears lol.
Both my besties have them and both my daughters have way more than a handful!
My best friend Lorraine, has had two bust reductions, she used to make me walk into the pub in front of her, because she hated everyone staring at them and she would never run as she said it looked like she had two midgets fighting in a sack!
My other school friend was like an ironing board with two fried eggs on.
We had no gel bras then so socks were the best substitutes shoved down the front of our stretchy, elasticated, triangle bra’s ( I messaged my friend Tracey to ask her where we all got them from, she thinks it was C&A and she reminded me of how, if you lifted your arms up, your rosebuds popped out the bottom!) – Not good though when playing goose chase with all the boys at youth club!
We spent a whole night in the girls toilets trying to convince her that nobody had noticed her brothers sock hanging out the front of her top!
So over the years here’s a few top tips I have learnt to help make the best of what we have been given.
Having served a gazillion girls over the years, I have witnessed first hand, the love hate relationship experienced by most towards their chests!
First and foremost buy a bloody good fitting bra , big or small titties its soooo important that you are in control of your boobs and not the other way round!
Go and get fitted – I have always gone to good old M&S don’t be embarrassed they will have seen just about every size, shape, colour and kind out there, they are trained and know their stuff.
A good bra can and will change your life, especially if you have been wearing the wrong size.
It can make you irritable lugging about two heavy hills on your waist with straps digging into your shoulders and back.
And with the right size bra you will find your clothes fit so much nicer, lifting, separating, minimising, maximising, supporting, controlling, highlighting or hiding your weapons. Basically you can choose!
GOOD TOPS for big boobs
- WRAP TOPS – they will pull boobs forward and highlight your waist. This is important as its hard to not look top heavy. When your thin you can get away with a lot more but when you have curves you have to understand your body and what looks good.
- BLOUSES – V NECKS (so long as the v is not too low) Its best to try to find blouses that are shaped so they have darts under the bust, showing you have a shape around the waist. Not clinging to you but fitted rather than tops that hang loose off the boobs like a tent. I know its tempting to buy big and baggy and a lot of the time you have no choice – other wise they pull on the boobs and your worried you might have someones eye out with a nipple, but a good test when buying shirts, off the hanger, is to lift the arm up – if its a straight line down with no curve its not going to be the most flattering shape on big boobs where as if it has a shape to it, a curve, it will give you a better shape when on.
- WIDE OPEN NECKLINES be careful though, make sure they have a dip between the bust or your chest will look like a shelf ! If you have no straps, they need to be supported with bones and a good fitted structured fabric not a flimsy fabric with no support.
- Top quality jersey bodysuits , that stay in place.
- Scoop Necks
NOT GOOD TOPS for boobs
- HIGH NECKS AND SLEEVELESS – makes your bust look like one big lump.
- ROUNDNECK VESTS
GOOD JACKETS for boobs
- VERY FITTED, DEEP V WITH HEM CUT TO HIP – short length jackets will lengthen your legs and make you look more in proportion and the deep v divides the boobs
- SMALL LAPELS – you don’t want anything that draws your eye to your chest area, the smaller the lapels the better.
- HARD TO GET SUITS – separates are great for big boobs if you stick to the same colours top and bottom.
NOT GOOD JACKETS for boobs
- BOXY SHORT WAISTED JACKETS – they will make you look square, shapeless and top heavy
- ANYTHING THAT BUTTONS UP TO THE NECK – will give you larger boobs.
BEST DRESSES for boobs
- WRAP DRESSES – pulls in on the waist and divides and separates the bust.
- SWEETHEART NECKLINE – makes the neck look long and elegant rather than bunching the boobs up to the chin.
- EMPIRE LINE – dresses have a fitted bodice ending just below the bust , giving a high – waisted appearance , and a gathered skirt which is loose fitting skimming the body .
- three quarter length sleeves.
- FIT AND FLARE – A-line fitted to the waist.This style balances out larger chests whilst high lighting the waist & this style will stop you looking top heavy.
- CLEAN LINES not frills and ruffles around the chest area.
NOT GOOD DRESSES for boobs
- HALTERNECK – hard to wear a bra so your boobs creep out at the sides.
- THIN STRAP SLIP STYLES – thin straps make your shoulders and boobs look bigger.
- A good trick is to wear a t-shirt underneath so you can still wear a bra or a sheer top over the top of thin strappy vests and dresses – tied up, again, to show the waist.
A good rule of thumb is to have 50/50 covered/uncovered ratio on a night out not for work though!
knitwear good for boobs
- Round neck cardigan undone to the top of your bra – shows off cleavage
- Deep V neck in a fine knit
- Wrap cardigans – you can make it as tight as you wish , with the boobs always being kept apart.
NOT GOOD KNITWEAR for boobs
- CHUNKY KNIT– thick wool gives a thick of torso.
- POLO NECKS – makes your boobs look like a third chin!
Coats good for boobs
- TIGHT WAIST with narrow lapel and full skirt
NOT GOOD for boobs
- FUNNEL NECK – any garment that is done up to the neck will always distort the breasts.
- You could wear a long scarf to draw the eye away from the chest.
- Never wear double breasted anything – two rows of buttons broaden the chest.
NEXT WEEK TOP TIPS FOR SMALL BOOBIES………
This weeks Fav
These Brown Linen Duster Jackets
Original store retail price £65!!!!!! Our price £7.99 £7.99 £7.99!!!!!
Im totally in love with these little jackets, just a great summer cover up, perfect for holidays, BBQ’s and they can easily be dressed up or down. Over sized and a great length.( 8/10)( 10/12)( 12/14)
And to think we were all moaning about the road works this time last year! Never in 30 years of trading have I seen the high street like this.
Really cant wait to have all our busy little Lane back to normal 😢
Have a great week girls & Thankyou once again to all the NHS, Caregivers, Postworkers, Police, Army, Firefighters , Shopworkers and Key Workers for providing a service so that we can all stay safe. You are our hero’s.
Along of course with Captain TOM MOORE what a man ❤️❤️❤️
Lots of Love
XXX Jane Hume XXX