Hide Behind A Bully
So the Primary school ‘ it ‘ girls passed their 11+ but I didn’t. Oh how devastated and stupid was I?
I was actually an undiagnosed dyslexic, muddling through coping by staying as quiet as possible in class, praying I wouldn’t be asked to read aloud.
I coped with break time by letting my so-called friends swing me about by my curly hair, apparently trying to straighten it as they hated curly hair? I held back the tears when they would give me a daily break time spelling test,” If you spell the 10 words right you can keep one of our Rubik Cubes” (I was so desperate for one but had to wait like 6 months until my birthday!)
I was petrified of starting secondary school, I didn’t want to find any new bullies I was fine with the ones I had.
Thankfully, a lot happened in the Summer holidays before starting ‘ big school ‘ I grew boobs, hung out with my new friend that was going to be in my form class and thank the heavens above, she had an older sister Vicky, who was in the last year at secondary school, so she totally taught us how to be cool !
Vicky’s best friend MaryJane couldn’t have come into my life at a better time, she just oozed confidence. She taught me and Tracey how to put makeup on and constantly told me I had beautiful hair and that I looked pretty, she basically gave me back some confidence, she even said I could tell everyone she was my older sister!
So, on the first day at Chapter School we walked in with them, it was like being given an instant cool pass, in hindsight, I wasn’t cool at all in my double strap leather shoes (cool were the plastic pointy ones from ShoeSave ! )
As my confidence grew at an alarming rate so too did my attitude!
Me and my Mum clashed like hell in the first year of secondary school. I can remember her on the phone to her best friend saying,” I hate her she’s bloody horrible !” I was quite all right with that comment because I was thinking good, now she won’t come to my party ……..the party she had spent all her hard earned cash on busily decorating a cake, the rugby club, sorting all the food, and a disco!
The party I was telling her I wasn’t going to turn up to tonight if I had to wear the hideous dress she wanted me to wear and I had told her she could only wear jeans too (my mum has never worn jeans in her life but she has always looked elegant and made a real effort) but, for some reason that wasn’t enough for me, I wanted my friends to see my mum in jeans lol .
Gotta love the hypocrisy of the 12-year-old me, not even a real teenager! I knew my mum’s friend had got me a pink Ra Ra dress for my birthday, the very second she said I could wear it to the party I loved her with all my heart like someone had flicked a switch. My poor family had to live with this real-life Jekyll & Hyde
I knew I had to feel comfortable in what I was wearing or I would rather not have gone out, that’s how much it mattered to my confidence.
Regrettably, though, I went through a nasty little b i a t c h p a t c h at secondary school where I actually joined in with the bullies, selfishly thinking – at least they’re leaving me alone now!
What a rotten coward, something I’m not proud of! Thankfully (for the victims) I didn’t have the stomach to be a bully for long and deep down, I knew better.
Tough Life Lesson
As I’ve gotten older, I hate any form of bullying and I’ve tried to bring my kids up to not only stand up for themselves but to look out for others along the way. It’s not easy to stand up when your confidence is generally at an all-time low.
- Bullies are great at chip, chip, chipping away at week-spots.
- Bullies are pro at distancing you from anyone that might bring your confidence back.
- Bullies are generally jealous, insecure twats.
Kindness brought my confidence back and as it grew it gave me an inner strength, letting me feel brave enough to be individual.
Watch your confidence grow when you surround yourself with only positive vibes, friends and family. Realise negative Nelly’s are a drain on your battery. People that love you will encourage you, lift you up and build your confidence, those that don’t won’t !
If you have to have them in your life imagine you’re inside a see-through dome, let any negative, hurtful comments bounce off your dome into space forever, life is way to short!
Spend it with people that have your back, not the ones that stab you in it!
Next weeks blog – Tips on dressing with Confidence.